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Well, my song “Ghosted” is finally out in the world. I wrote this song … I’m not sure when. It was late 2012 or early 2013, I think. Some yellow-belly nincompoop had managed to break my heart; he didn’t even have the courage to do it like a man. He simply disappeared, leaving me in the worst possible state of mind: limbo. Then he became unreachable. Turns out there’s a term for this. It’s called being ghosted.

Back to the song. The last week has been a mad scramble to throw together a video for NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert contest. It went well … kind of.

From a fashion standpoint, if I’m ever well known enough to make it on a red carpet or late night TV, this video will surely be the embarrassing footage from my past they’re going to drag out. And I’ll be right there with them laughing at me — it’s the top I was wearing. It’s a bad color for video, but worse, it’s way too baggy. It just sort of hung there and didn’t do much for my complexion.

The quality of the video is awful; describing it as homemade would be a compliment.

The “story” of the video is kind of cute. The concept is creative.

I give myself an A for creativity, a D for execution.

Let’s talk about the band. This is not a polished recording, but when you consider that most of them had not even met me until a couple of days before we recorded, and that they had exactly 2.5 hours to learn the song, polish it and for us to record the entire video, I think we did as well as can be expected.

(I met the bass player for the first time — literally — when I opened my door. He heard the song once, day of.)

So many thoughts have gone through my mind in the past 24 hours. I really don’t want to submit the video. I’m just too much of a perfectionist, and it’s just so BAD. I’ve had thoughts of, “Should I just forget it? Should I wait till next year? Am I completely humiliating myself? Everyone else seems to have professionally produced videos. Will NPR even care?” running through my mind constantly.

Well, here’s what I decided: I’m doing it, even though I’m embarrassed to submit this video. You know why? Because you never know what will happen. It’s a good song. The execution is poor, but the bones of it are still the same. And when good songs go out into the world, the right people tend to find them.

This project benefited me in several ways:

  1. The musicians loved my song. Upon hearing it, the banjo player said, “This song is fantastic!”. That built my confidence.
  2. I got to use my comedy writing skills.
  3. I got to sing.
  4. It forced me to set up my social media accounts for my writing/music/performing. That’s huge.
  5. It made me move forward in some way.
  6. It made me take initiative. Like I went to a bluegrass jam by myself and got up in front of some of Chicago’s most skilled bluegrass musicians and for a moment had to believe that my song was worth it, as I asked them if they would be a part of the project. And there sat Rebecca, who ended up playing banjo, and whom I already knew from an ensemble we were in together.

So, I may completely embarrass myself, but I don’t care. I’m pretty sure if I ever AM on a red carpet or interviewed somewhere, I’d be mighty happy if it was because someone found my song through my crappy little video I finally found the guts to submit to NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert, even if it wasn’t perfect.

That schleppy top is still driving me crazy, though.

Like my song?

I’ll be heading into the recording studio soon. Sign up for updates on this site’s home page to be notified when it’s released.